I hope you got a prenup this time.

No, Foo Fighters do not count as “Oldies”.

Thank you.

I like music a lot, and there are plenty of artists I like, appreciate, admire and love. But I really don’t consider myself a “fan”.

A whole while ago I had a ticket to go see [...]]]> I figured I should write this up since it’s been bouncing around in my brain for ages.

I like music a lot, and there are plenty of artists I like, appreciate, admire and love. But I really don’t consider myself a “fan”.

A whole while ago I had a ticket to go see Cat Power play a concert at a small theatre at the local university. There were two shows, and I think they were two hours apart – my ticket was for the 5:00pm show (I might be paraphrasing the actual time).

It was general admission, so I showed up semi-early to get a good seat.

Then I decided that standing in line with a bunch of smoking collage kids was silly so I went and waited at a coffee shop and came back about half an hour before the show. I assumed the doors would be open by then. They weren’t.

At 5:00pm, the doors were still not open. I asked other people in line if they knew what was going on, but nobody knew. Eventually I walked up to the doors and knocked until someone bothered coming out and telling us that the show was delayed and they wouldn’t be letting people in till 6:30pm.

At this point I asked if anyone wanted a free ticket, gave mine to the first person who didn’t think I was joking, and went home.

When I got home I thought it might be a good idea to post something to a local online forum to let people who might have tickets for the 8:00pm show know that there is no way that thing is starting on time. I did post that there was a huge huge delay, that the people running the theatre didn’t bother coming out and explaining anything and were content to let us all wait out in the rain.

Some people asked how come I hadn’t waited. I explained that I actually had stuff to do that day, and that standing outside in the rain with a bunch of people who were already pretty drunk and smoking all over the place was just not something I’m willing to do just to see a Cat Power concert.

People just couldn’t understand the reasoning and basically a flame-war erupted where people were giving me crap for leaving. One person commented (again, paraphrasing) that “…isn’t it funny how a little rain separates the TRUE fans from the wannabes?”

That’s really when it struck me – no, I’m not a fan.

The word “fan” is derived, for good reason, from the word “fanatic”. “Fans” are the people who buy every single album – including reissues, different versions of the same album, Japanese imports, whatever. They’re the ones who go to every single show. The ones who WILL wait out in the rain, the snow, the heat, whatever. The ones who scream when the show starts.

That’s just not me.

Here’s an example – there are not a lot of musicians I admire as much as Mark Knopfler. Guy’s a genius. I keep saying that if he was born 300 years ago, people would still be listening to Wolfgang Amadeus Knopfler. That’s the extent of his genius in my book. I was really disappointed when I missed his concerts twice before I finally managed to hear about them more than 24 hours before they took place and got tickets to see him.

I was obviously very excited to see Mark Knopfler play live. Sadly, the concert itself was a let-down.

Did I ever write about how one of my pet peeves at concerts is that they’re just too loud? Well, this one was too loud. And the venue Mark Knopfler plays at when he’s in town has some serious sound problems. Unless you’re sitting at a very narrow sweet spot, the sound will be horrible. The seats I had at that concert, some of the time all you could here was – and I’m serious about this – white noise.

Not music, not even painfully loud music, just the SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHFFFFFFFF of white noise. No recognisable musical note whatsoever.

I assumed that was accidental – nobody could want the sound to be that bad, right? So I went to see Mark Knopfler the next time he was in town and the same thing happened. That time I actually complained, which is how I found out about the sweet spot.

The last time I saw Mark Knopfler I got seats that I thought were near enough to the sweet spot… but they weren’t. Plus it was just… painfully loud.

(The whole loudness is a totally different topic, I suppose, but I will say that yes, people have suggested I take ear plugs to concerts. Which just boggles my mind. Why on EARTH would I go to a MUSIC CONCERT if I can’t HEAR THE MUSIC? I already know what Mark Knopfler looks like, I’m not there to LOOK at him. I’m there to hear him play the damn guitar. But anyway).

Last year when Mark Knofpler was once again touring and playing a local show, I didn’t bother trying to get tickets. I figure it’s just too much of a gamble.

The other night, K called me a “fanboy” just because I went to a craft store, got some iron-on letters and made a slogan-shirt which I wore to a Nellie McKay concert. I don’t really think that makes me a fanboy. I mean if I had no reason whatsoever to think that she’d see it, maybe. But there was a pretty good chance she would (she tends to stay around after the show to chat/sign autographs/pose for photos for my other blog). And really me doing something weird on the off-chance that it’ll entertain one single person isn’t really new. Heck, this isn’t even the first time I made a t-shirt for that purpose. The fact that it DID entertain Nellie McKay is definitely a plus. But that’s another point – she actually takes the time and makes the effort to interact with people, even weird people with silly action figures, so she deserves the extra effort (plus I learned how to iron-on patches. Ok, I learned that I’m bad at it).

Alright, I think that’s enough tangents for one night. Honestly I think I’m still a bit wired from the three cups of tea I had at Nellie’s concert (yes, that’s what heavy drinking at a concert is around here – tea.) To summarise: I love music and I’m ever so grateful and appreciative to the wonderful artists who make it. But seriously, I’m not going to stand outside in the rain or suffer through enough noise that it makes me want to pass out just so I can say I’ve been there.

Oh, also, if you guys could stop trying to sell $50 t-shirts at your concerts, that’d be cool. I happen to know for a fact that iron-on letters cost like $3.

I’m going to twist that a bit. I’ve been meaning to start writing posts about music that was defining for me – the bands where I went [...]]]> There’s a meme going around on a certain social network that shall go unmentioned right now where people are tagged to name fifteen albums in fifteen minutes.

I’m going to twist that a bit. I’ve been meaning to start writing posts about music that was defining for me – the bands where I went out and bought every single album, and I’m going to use this as something of an introduction/thought exercise for that. I’m going to go in chronological order, list the Top 15 bands/singers/acts I ever got into, and the FIRST album of theirs I listened to, and maybe throw in some information about why/how/where/etc. At some point I’ll write an actual entry about each of them and expand on that.

So here we go, and again, chronological order.

#1: The Beatles – Let It Be

Ironically, their last-released album was the first album I heard. Mostly because we had it at home – it was one of my mom’s favourite albums. I was probably twelve when I started listening to it. Then started the long, arduous task of buying all their other albums, which is no mean feat when you’re 12 and there’s no such thing as an iTunes Gift Card.

#2: Pink Floyd – The Final Cut

Once again, their last released album! Even funnier, it’s now my least favourite Pink Floyd album (and The Wall is my second-least -favourite) – so much so that I currently own every Pink Floyd album except this one.

I was probably fourteen when I heard it. A friend of mine insisted that he had to lend it to me and wouldn’t take it back till I listened to it. Back then it seemed really, you know, deep. Nowadays it’s just Roger Waters being whiny.

Interestingly, I didn’t actually get into the good Pink Floyd stuff till much later.

#3: Dire Straits – Making Movies

Ah, Dire Straits – proof that there was some good rock music in the 80s. I remember listening to tapes of this album on a walkman while taking the bus to work.

Dire Straits, at some point The Biggest Band In The World, only released five albums. But I’m counting Mark Knopfler’s solo albums in this.

#4: Jethro Tull – Thick as a Brick

This was another album someone lent me and insisted I listen to it. One night I decided it’s time to clean my room, so I plugged in some headphones and put the CD on.

After the first fifteen seconds I was absolutely hooked and knew I need to get everything these people ever made. And I’m going to describe them now.

This album (which is basically one long track) starts with a mellow-ish acoustic guitar riff, followed by the line “Really don’t mind if you sit this one out.”

That was it. The delivery on that is just perfect. It didn’t hurt that this part is immediately followed by a flute (yeah, I didn’t know Jethro Tull were so heavily flute-based), and that Thick as a Brick is basically a phenomenal album.

Incidentally, Thick as a Brick is the first CD I bought on the internet. This was before there were websites. You had to telnet to the store. But that’s another story.

#5: Led Zeppelin – IV

This is almost too obvious that it’s embarrassing. Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of Zeppelin anymore for two reasons: first, I don’t think they really had any musical growth. A track from any of their albums would feel right at home on any other album. Second, well, I believe Homer Simpson put it best when he said “There’s Jimmy Page, the biggest thief of American black music who ever walked the Earth.” But everyone goes through a OMG STAIRWAY!!!! phase, and I bought a lot of their albums during that time, so…

#6: Neil Young: Rust Never Sleeps

See, I don’t listen exclusively to British bands!

Late one night I turned on the TV and there were these… weird robed figures with shiny eyes walking on the stage. They looked like giant Jawas. Then this guy came on and played some mellow stuff. Then they rearranged the stage and he rocked the living crap out of the place.

Years later I was listening to this CD on a bus (yeah, on the way to work, but in a discman this time) and when Neil Young said “Rock and Roll will never die” it just hit me that, you know… it kinda had.

#7: Frank Zappa – Sheik Yerbouti

Frank Zappa was just completely, totally different from anything else I’d ever listened to before. It kind of defies description, really.

I remember buying this CD and then listening to it on the bus on the way home (I swear, this is the last bus story) and just trying really, really hard not to laugh the entire way.

A lot of people find Frank Zappa offensive, but those people are jerks (see what I did there?) Zappa hardly ever pulls punches and considers pretty much anyone a valid target. Which is just fine by me. Zappa died way too young. He should still be here annoying the hell out of everyone.

Intermission

There’s a bit of a gap in years between the last entry and the next one. I had moved to a different country and could only take 50 CDs with me. This was well before it was practical to rip and encode your entire music collection – it took over a day to rip one album and there weren’t as many automated tools to name the tracks for you.So there were a few years not having any money, and of reacquiring old music before I could really get into new stuff.

#8 Tom Waits – Nighthawks at the Diner

I was actually on a road trip and decided to pick up some new CDs because I was getting bored with the ten I’d brought with me. This was one of them (there were actually three Tom Waits discs, but this is the one I listened to first). I listened to it while driving late into the night. It’s kind of a perfect night-driving album.

Interesting note: Tom Waits was the first artist who’s songs I first heard by downloading them off the internet. This prompted me to buy just about every single album he ever released.

#9 Joni Mitchell – Clouds

Joni Mitchell is on the list of People I Should’ve Been Listening To For Ages. Before getting her CDs, I’d actually heard more covers of her songs than her actual versions of them. I got this album because I remembered Judy Collins’ cover of Both Sides, Now.

I do have quite a few Joni Mitchell albums, but I have to admit that the very heavy jazzy ones don’t really do it for me.

#10: David Bowie- Space Oddity

Ok, before anyone freaks out, yes I did say this is in chronological order. However, Bowie is one of those artists where I’d get one of his albums every 3-4 years. I got the first one when I was 16 or 17, and I’ve been getting more every few years, and I’ve only recently decided that, yes, I do actually have a considerable amount of his music. Which is interesting since I have absolutely ZERO interest in anything he did after 1977.

#11: Loreena McKennitt: … I’m not really sure.

Back in 1994 there was a TV show named Due South. It was a Canadian TV show, and regularly featured music by Canadian artists.

One episode featured this one sing that was just beautiful. And I had to wait well over a decade for the DVDs to be released, so that I could buy them and pause the credits to read that that song was called Prospero’s Speech and it was by an artist named Loreena McKennitt. Luckily we had Google by then so I could find that it was part of an album called The Mask and Mirror… which wasn’t available anywhere.

I ended up getting a boxed-set that contained four other albums, and I really don’t remember which ones they were or which one I listened to first, or when at some point all her other albums became available again, but when they were, I bought them, too.

Interesting note: Loreena McKennitt is, to this date, the only artist I’ve found who sells their music online in FLAC format (this is cool, trust me).

#12: Cat Power: The Greatest

One of the very few “I Heard A Review On The Radio” artists. And frankly it makes me a bit sad to talk about Cat Power. I absolutely loved her first six albums, which evolved form very low-key, almost lonely girl-and-guitar sound, to a somewhat more coherent sound with an actual band, but never anything really crowded. And there was always a… vulnerability in there.

One day I was listening to the radio and the DJ said “Up next, new music from Cat Power!” and I was really happy. Then they started playing it and I was “Uh… is that… a cover of Sinatra’s New York, New York??? And a pretty horrible one, at that?” and it kind of all went downhill from there.

#13: Nellie McKay: Get Away From Me

Nellie McKay is the anti-Cat Power. Heard her on the same radio station (where they toned her down a lot). Her musical style and voice also evolved, but she seems to be going in a direction that only improves and works even better for her. Her latest album is basically all covers – it’s a tribute to Doris Day, and it’s just so obvious that she should be doing that.

I think Nellie McKay is the artist I’ve seen live the most times. Which isn’t saying a whole lot for me, but hey.

#14: Leonard Cohen: Songs of Leonard Cohen

Yeah, I know, I should’ve been listening to Leonard Cohen for ages. And I do have vague recollections of hearing him on the radio in the 80s. And I heard a lot of his songs performed by other artists. One day I decided it’s about time I hear his actual music so I bought a whole chunk of his stuff. I really prefer the style of his early stuff.

#15: Fairport Convention: What We Did On Our Holidays

Yeah, I know, I should’ve been liste… wait, I already said that. Ok, honestly, I have NO IDEA how Fairport Convention slipped under my radar. Just no idea. Especially considering that Jethro Tull have been there forever. But hey, they’re here now.

Epilogue

I want to be clear that these aren’t all the bands/artists I listen to, nor all the ones I really like, nor all the ones I have a lot of albums. They’re just the top 15. Or the first 15 I could think of. Or something. And yeah, I will try to write longer entries about, well, fourteen of them, at least.

Yup, we got a ukulele. K has always wanted one and I’m not one to say no to getting another musical instrument.

While we were trying them out, someone at the store asked us if we play the ukulele. I said “No, why would we want to get an instrument we already know [...]]]>

Yup, we got a ukulele. K has always wanted one and I’m not one to say no to getting another musical instrument.

While we were trying them out, someone at the store asked us if we play the ukulele. I said “No, why would we want to get an instrument we already know how to play?”

I think I should get a T-Shirt that says “That was rhetorical.”

Pete Townshend is the guitar player for The Who.

I’m writing this down because normally I can only keep one of their names in my head at the time and drive myself nuts trying to remember the other guy’s name.

Strangely I have no problems remembering [...]]]> Roger Daltrey is the frontman for The Who.

Pete Townshend is the guitar player for The Who.

I’m writing this down because normally I can only keep one of their names in my head at the time and drive myself nuts trying to remember the other guy’s name.

Strangely I have no problems remembering John Entwistle and Keith Moon. Although I DO occasionally confuse them with John Paul Jones and John Bonham.